Bumper Stories

Today, I’ve been enjoying the sunny first day of Fall Break. I have big plans for my days off including getting renters’ insurance, organizing my apartment, baking bread from scratch, and watching last week’s SNL (hosted by John Heder) that Missy taped for me and that I accidentally taped partially over. Flippin’ idiot! But anyway...

Earlier, I was on my way to the gym when I came up behind a car at a stop light. In the trunk of this car were parts of a twin bed and there was a mattress on top of it. My paranoid mind was wondering if everything was tied down tightly enough to not fall off/out and kill me. I was inspecting the situation when I noticed an open razor blade on the bumper. “How interesting!” I thought to myself. Recall my recent cell phone fiasco.

Many of you received mysterious phone calls, but for those who didn’t I’ll tell the story. I lost my cell phone as I was on my way back to Marysville two weekends ago. I had my scooter on its rack on the back of my truck, and I was talking to my Dad on my phone when I noticed that my scooter was tilting precariously and looked like it would soon fall off. I sort of freaked out, pulled over, put my phone on the bumper, fixed the scooter, and headed off on my merry way. Thinking that I should call back Dad and tell him everything was ok, I searched for my phone as I entered the Turn Pike. No phone. Long story slightly shorter, a nice lady named Jean found it and called EVERYONE on my call log. I got my phone back. Fast forward to today. I saw the razor blade on the car’s bumper. I picked it up and tossed it into the open trunk so that the razor wouldn’t find its surly self on the open road; free to wreak havoc. But then maybe the ornery thing was just hitching a ride. The car had Mississippi plates. Either way, I think it’s coincidental that I would find a razor on someone’s bumper so shortly after my own incident. It makes me feel a bit less moronic.