Cafeteria Story

I worked at the hospital this weekend. I typically sit in the cafeteria during my lunch break. This was the case on Sunday. I had brought leftovers (delicious new recipe) and was studying some notes. It was quiet and peaceful, and all was going well as it tends to on Sundays. I took lunch late and there were very few people in the cafeteria.

Then, a few tables away, I noticed a man start to choke. He was sitting alone, and I thought he might need some help. He seemed distressed. I thought to myself, "Great. A huge building full of trained health care professionals and I'm the only one here to help this dude." By the way, I've allowed my basic life support certification to lapse. Oops. I started to stand when I noticed that he was quite obviously able to breathe. He must have worked himself into a panic because he was hyperventilating. I sat back down, relieved that I was not called upon to give a stranger the Heimlich maneuver that day. Anyway, you'd think the whole thing would be over at this point but it soo wasn't.

I turned my attention back to my notes and my leftovers. Some of the guy's colleagues (I think he might be a respiratory therapist, which is somewhat ironic) joined him at his table. His eyes were watering, and they of course asked if he was ok. He said that something was stuck in his throat and that it was scratching. One of them offered to give him the Heimlich, and he refused opting instead to try to dislodge the object himself. What followed were the least appetizing sounds I have ever heard. The guy was doing anything he could think of to get rid of the bit of crust or whatever. He was sitting at the table, while everyone around was trying to eat, making these gross gagging and coughing noises. I was less than pleased, as was everyone else. It registered on their faces.

Again, someone offered to whack him on the back. He accepted. "Finally!" I thought. Surely this would end the madness. But no. It was not to be. The loathsome noises continued for more than 20 minutes total. Eventually I returned to work, dissatisfied and displeased, but with this story to tell.